Wow, it's been a long time since I've written. Only some vague sense of obligation to this blog makes me write now, I guess, since I don't feel particularly inspired by anything.

Life is mostly about work right now. I've just completed my fourth week, and it's feeling good. I've settled into the rhythm of getting up early, going to work, coming home, although it still feels strange when I think about it to have a "real" job. Work's boring sometimes, but it's nice to have the settledness of knowing where you're going to be from 9-5 every day, to have a set list of tasks, to know a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, to earn relaxation, to have a predictable paycheque. The benefits of freelancing have faded in my mind to an embrace of the benefits of regular work.

It feels good, it feels responsible, it feels grown-up. I feel settled here in Toronto in a way that I didn't before. I feel more positive about the future. The terrible mountain of debt that was crushing my mind now feels like a path I'm climbing, slowly but steadily.

Sleep continues to be a struggle, but I cope with it as best I can, partly by going to bed at ridiculously early hours every night. If that's what I have to do, it is—there's nothing good about feeling so crushingly tired that you can't function.

Life feels more ordered now; the only deficit in it remains friends that I can hang out with on a regular basis here. My good friends are scattered over the globe and maintained mostly through phone calls, emails, and Facebook. I hope that changes at some point, but for now, that's the way it is.

I discovered something very interesting while reading the book of John. I got to the part when Jesus has risen from the dead and encounters Mary Magdalene outside the tomb. He tells her,

"Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" (John 20:17, emphasis added)

I was struck by that last phrase. It seems such an odd and emphatic way of putting things. It was as if Jesus wants us to notice something.

I couldn't remember Jesus using the phrase "your Father" or "your God" anywhere else in John, so I did a search to find out. He'd just had an extended discussion with the disciples about his relationship to the Father, their relationship to the Father, and their (and our) relationship to him (chapters 13-16). That would have been the perfect time to say it, but he always says "My Father" or "the Father" throughout the whole of rest of the book.

It's not that he doesn't talk about the subject. Jesus has a lot to say about the Father. He came from the Father, he is going to the Father, he does the works of the Father, he speaks the words of the Father. His relationship with his Father is integral to the book of John.

But it isn't until after the resurrection that he says "your Father" and "your God" to his disciples.

Two things strike me about this:

First, the death and resurrection of Jesus are what changed our relationship to God. Now, "[T]hrough him [Jesus] we...have access to the Father by one Spirit." The death and resurrection of Jesus secured a place of sonship to God for everyone who has faith in him.

Second, we now have the same kind of sonship that Jesus has. We actually have the same kind of relationship to God that he does.

That's an incredibly awesome realization.