This is a topic that’s been very much on my mind lately, mainly because of the number of people I know who are affected by it. If you’re not a Christian and you’re reading this, please feel free to stop now. You might be unnecessarily offended, since this is addressed to Christians.

For single people (not just Christians), the issue of dating, marriage, and sex is one of the single biggest issues we face. The drive for romance, companionship, and sexual fulfillment is one of the strongest drives any human being experiences. In fact, it’s a significant part of what it means to be human. God created us this way; it’s not wrong, it’s perfectly normal.

For Christians, this drive is further compounded by the fact that (usually) we want to do God’s will. We can’t simply go out and sleep with or date or marry anyone we please; we are supposed to keep this desire subjected to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the control of the Holy Spirit.

Because of sin, this desire faces frustration. In an unsinful, non-fallen world, presumably we’d all be provided mates, as Adam was Eve, and live in perfect, harmonious relationships. As we all know, this doesn’t happen! People who want to be married live long, frustrated years as singles. You find someone you believe to be “the one”, only to have the relationship end in heartbreak. People who get married experience grief in their relationships. Spouses die. They leave. They cheat. And so on.

We face further problems because our judgment is subject to sin. In this area more than any other, Christians seem especially prone to self-delusion. I believe that’s because the desire is so basic, so strong, so deeply implanted, and the drive to fulfill it is so urgent, that if we are not very careful, it is extremely easy to fall into sin and error. Unless we are controlled by the word of God and the Holy Spirit, and his will is more important than our own desires, we can very easily go astray.

Two of the most common mistakes I see Christians making in the area of relationships are: 1, dating non-Christians; and 2, having sex outside of marriage. (Obviously, there are other problems, but these are the ones I'm most concerned about).

Both of these are things God is clearly against. He says:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.'" (2 Corinthians 6:14-18, emphasis added)

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13-20, emphasis added)

In both passages the argument is the same. God is saying that he, by his Holy Spirit, has actually come to live within us! Our bodies are the temple of the living God. He owns them. Jesus died and rose again to purchase us for himself. How dare we take that temple, this body that God lives in, and join it with those who don't know God or sexually with anyone outside of marriage? We don’t have that right. It’s his!

In another passage dealing with sexual immorality, Paul makes this analogy:

“Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.” (1 Corinthians 5:6-8)

Paul is talking here about the purity of the body of Christ. In the Bible, yeast is often used as a symbol of sin. Just as yeast spreads throughout the whole batch of dough and affects it all, sin does the same in the church. Paul uses this analogy in the context of putting someone who has sinned sexually outside of the fellowship. He was serious, and we are to be serious, about the purity of Jesus’ holy bride. He says elsewhere:

“But among you there must not be even a HINT of sexual immorality….” (Ephesians 5:3, emphasis added)

I’ve had people justify their relationships with non-Christians (often sexual ones) by telling me that “God told them” to be in that relationship. I’m going to be totally honest with you: no he didn’t. God is not going to tell you something that directly contradicts his clear command in Scripture. Yes, he speaks to us personally. But when he does, it is in line with his word and does not go against his clearly-spoken will.

It is so easy for us to be mistaken about hearing God’s voice. It is so easy to allow our feelings to influence and control what we think God is saying. Let me put it this way: if we want something very strongly, we will naturally interpret everything we “hear” from God to be in favour of that thing. I’ve done it myself. I have wanted something and thought God was telling me it was his will, only to find out that I was mistaken. It is the fruit of it that allows you to tell the difference. God’s subjective spoken word to us will never go against his objective, plain word in Scripture.

In addition, those who engage in sexual relationships outside of marriage face God’s judgment:

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4)

“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Is that to say there’s no forgiveness? Of course there is. We are prone to sin and to failure. If we confess our sins to God and are genuinely repentant, yes, he forgives. If we forsake the thing we are doing, he will restore us. However, we will have to face the hard consequences of our sin. Some of these may include:

• heartbreak from failed relationships

• grief over giving ourselves sexually in ways and to people we were not supposed to
• hurting others around us/destroying friendships, particularly if the relationship is adulterous
• distance between ourselves and God
• loss on the day of judgement

Do we really want to face God’s judgment? Do we really want to grieve him? Do we really want to put distance between ourselves and him? If we’re thinking about it rationally, we would say no. But in the heat of the moment and the attraction you’re feeling to that person, it’s easy to justify what you’re doing and to twist or forget what God says.

This is an area in which the church as a whole is called to live up to God’s standards of purity, but in which I believe it has largely failed. Paul tells us:

“I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

"What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. ‘Expel the wicked man from among you.’" (1 Corinthians 5:9-13)

Does that sound serious? Yes, it is. Does it sound harsh and “contrary to grace”? Only if we have a very warped understanding of grace. The church, and Christians as individuals, can’t expect God’s presence and blessing if we’re tolerating corporately or individually sin that God clearly forbids. We can’t expect Jesus to dwell among us, or with us, if we’re grieving him so radically. We can’t afford to ignore this issue, either in our churches, our own lives, or our friends’ lives, if we’re serious about wanting to follow Jesus. His standards are clear. He demands no compromise. If we really care about others' spiritual well-being, we will be serious about confronting them and helping them out of this kind of sin.

God wants us. He is passionate about us as his Bride and as his holy people. He longs for a close, intimate, and exclusive relationship with us. He longs to be able to shine his glory through us to the world around us. He longs to have a pure nation, representing him on this earth, living in holiness, living in love with one another and with him. That's his desire!

The bottom line is, do we want fellowship with God? Do we want others to have fellowship with God? If we don't, and we want to follow our own desires, we can do whatever we want. Just don't claim to be following Jesus. If we do, then we must be serious about doing whatever it takes.

If you’re in a relationship with a non-Christian, or a “Christian” who isn’t following Jesus 100%, break it off. If you’re sleeping with them, break it off even more quickly. If you’re sexually involved with someone who’s a “Christian”, stop it. Now. Ask God’s forgiveness; humble yourself before him. Seek accountability with someone who will keep you honest. Seek to live a life of purity and contentment in Jesus, and trust him to meet those needs that seem so strong.

Our sexual and romantic needs are not our most important ones: our relationship with God is. Trust him to satisfy the longings of your soul, and to bring you a far deeper joy than the things you're forsaking, which are making you spiritually sick. Seek intimacy with him, and fellowship with others, that will give you a life of purpose and contentment. Remember that he has said:

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:5-6)

I was inspired to write this after thinking a lot about this topic lately. I don't normally post poems to my blog, but I thought I'd put this one up.

I’m in love with you, but I’m cheating with the world
She’s just so fascinating.
I see you once or twice a week, I sing my songs of love
I’ll only live for you.
But when I leave, she’s there again
She’s with me everywhere I go.
She stands on every street corner beckoning
Calling me a thousand ways.
She sings to me, she dances
she pampers me, she gives me gifts;
she wears a hundred dresses, a thousand different faces
She offers something novel every hour I spend with her.
She seems more real than you, and when I’m with her
I’m numb to you, you seem so far away.
Sorry but, it’s too much work to seek you out
She intoxicates me, fascinates me, seduces me again and again.

When will you see the emptiness?
When will you see the lies?
She seduces, captivates you, woos you away from me
Your hours are spent in drunken fascination, whiled away to nothing
And all the time I’m calling you.
She tells you she’ll live forever, but it’s a lie
She’ll be destroyed with all her lovers.
She tells you she’s more real, but it’s a lie
Where I live is reality.

Come find me
Come seek me
Come dwell with me
Come listen to the voice of your true Lover.
What I offer is true life,
What I offer is true love,
What I offer is true reality.
Live for me and live forever,
turn your back on her
don’t be seduced by her lies
don’t be drawn in by her trickery
she’s fake. I’m real. I lived and died for you.

"You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God." James 4:4

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him....The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." 1 John 2:15, 17

...."those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." 1 Corinthians 7:31

"Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great!....Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins,.... She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her." Revelation 18

Yesterday I went to the animal shelter. This is not the kind of place I regularly frequent, simply because it is too sad, but I was in the area and stopped by to clear up a misunderstanding about a non-existent dog they thought we'd failed to license and, well, there were kitties upstairs and I went and saw them.

As soon as you walk into one of the rooms you are greeted by meows from various corners, pleading eyes staring from behind cage bars, questing paws reaching out through the metal to try to touch you. Some of the cats are curled up asleep; some cower shaking as far back as they can and hiss if you look at them. Most are glad for the attention; some beg for it.

I was in one room going from cage to cage when two shelter workers rolled a block of cages in and went to leave. I stopped them and asked if I could open the cage doors; they said yes, but to be careful with some of these cats because they'd all, except three, just been brought in from one house and hadn't become acclimatized to the facility yet. My mouth dropped open. "One house?" I repeated incredulously. The worker nodded. "It's a lot more common than you think."

So that was what the "O/S" checked on all of these cage cards indicated. I went back to the cats with a new respect for what they'd been through.

It couldn't help but make me think of this passage in Romans 8:

The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. (Romans 8:19-22)

Cats weren't meant to live in cages. They weren't meant to have to be removed from homes who hoard them, or people who abuse them, or streets where they face constant threats and hard living. Animal shelters are a sign of the Fall. Even cats have to suffer the frustration that creation has been subjected to as a result of man's sin.

I can't wait for the day when that is no more. I can't wait for the day when animals, and this earth, don't have to suffer. I can't wait for the day when they are liberated, along with us, from the curse. I can't wait for the day when animal shelters, along with other sad but necessarily consequences of sin, are no more. I can't wait for the day when cats and dogs and people live in freedom.

I am naturally a very high-stress person. Life's ups and downs, but mostly its downs, throw me into a centrifuge of gnawing anxiety, insomnia, headaches, and exhausting preoccupation with my current worry.

Recently I quit my job. That's a stress precipitator for almost anyone, particularly in the current state of the economy.

Last night, I felt an urge to pray. I got down on my knees, laid out my situation before God, and asked for his help. I prayed for no more than five minutes. But when I got up, I felt an overwhelming calm. I had peace and total certainty that God had both heard and would answer my prayer.

Then I remembered that verse, and got out my Bible and re-read it:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Paul correctly knew that the antidote to worry is prayer. I don't mean, and he didn't mean, a religious "I've done the right thing and prayed about my situation"; but an outpouring of your heart to a loving Heavenly Father who cares about and will take care of your situation. We have two alternatives: stress, anxiety, and control; or prayer, surrender, trust, and peace.

The peace he's talking about is the peace I felt: a supernatural, inexplicable calm that doesn't come from performing a religious rite, but from knowing you've connected with the God of the universe. It's the peace that Jesus gives (John 14:27). It doesn't make sense from a worldly point of view: I didn't get up from prayer with anything about my situation changed, outwardly speaking. It's a heavenly peace, a divine gift for those who know by his Spirit that they are children of the Father.

I'm thankful for that peace. I'm thankful for his assurance that he is in control of world economies, my life, and my employment. I'm thankful for the fact that he cares about me, and has promised never to leave or forsake me. I'm thankful for the fact that he's promised to provide for me. For me, that's enough.