This is a topic that’s been very much on my mind lately, mainly because of the number of people I know who are affected by it. If you’re not a Christian and you’re reading this, please feel free to stop now. You might be unnecessarily offended, since this is addressed to Christians.

For single people (not just Christians), the issue of dating, marriage, and sex is one of the single biggest issues we face. The drive for romance, companionship, and sexual fulfillment is one of the strongest drives any human being experiences. In fact, it’s a significant part of what it means to be human. God created us this way; it’s not wrong, it’s perfectly normal.

For Christians, this drive is further compounded by the fact that (usually) we want to do God’s will. We can’t simply go out and sleep with or date or marry anyone we please; we are supposed to keep this desire subjected to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the control of the Holy Spirit.

Because of sin, this desire faces frustration. In an unsinful, non-fallen world, presumably we’d all be provided mates, as Adam was Eve, and live in perfect, harmonious relationships. As we all know, this doesn’t happen! People who want to be married live long, frustrated years as singles. You find someone you believe to be “the one”, only to have the relationship end in heartbreak. People who get married experience grief in their relationships. Spouses die. They leave. They cheat. And so on.

We face further problems because our judgment is subject to sin. In this area more than any other, Christians seem especially prone to self-delusion. I believe that’s because the desire is so basic, so strong, so deeply implanted, and the drive to fulfill it is so urgent, that if we are not very careful, it is extremely easy to fall into sin and error. Unless we are controlled by the word of God and the Holy Spirit, and his will is more important than our own desires, we can very easily go astray.

Two of the most common mistakes I see Christians making in the area of relationships are: 1, dating non-Christians; and 2, having sex outside of marriage. (Obviously, there are other problems, but these are the ones I'm most concerned about).

Both of these are things God is clearly against. He says:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.'" (2 Corinthians 6:14-18, emphasis added)

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13-20, emphasis added)

In both passages the argument is the same. God is saying that he, by his Holy Spirit, has actually come to live within us! Our bodies are the temple of the living God. He owns them. Jesus died and rose again to purchase us for himself. How dare we take that temple, this body that God lives in, and join it with those who don't know God or sexually with anyone outside of marriage? We don’t have that right. It’s his!

In another passage dealing with sexual immorality, Paul makes this analogy:

“Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.” (1 Corinthians 5:6-8)

Paul is talking here about the purity of the body of Christ. In the Bible, yeast is often used as a symbol of sin. Just as yeast spreads throughout the whole batch of dough and affects it all, sin does the same in the church. Paul uses this analogy in the context of putting someone who has sinned sexually outside of the fellowship. He was serious, and we are to be serious, about the purity of Jesus’ holy bride. He says elsewhere:

“But among you there must not be even a HINT of sexual immorality….” (Ephesians 5:3, emphasis added)

I’ve had people justify their relationships with non-Christians (often sexual ones) by telling me that “God told them” to be in that relationship. I’m going to be totally honest with you: no he didn’t. God is not going to tell you something that directly contradicts his clear command in Scripture. Yes, he speaks to us personally. But when he does, it is in line with his word and does not go against his clearly-spoken will.

It is so easy for us to be mistaken about hearing God’s voice. It is so easy to allow our feelings to influence and control what we think God is saying. Let me put it this way: if we want something very strongly, we will naturally interpret everything we “hear” from God to be in favour of that thing. I’ve done it myself. I have wanted something and thought God was telling me it was his will, only to find out that I was mistaken. It is the fruit of it that allows you to tell the difference. God’s subjective spoken word to us will never go against his objective, plain word in Scripture.

In addition, those who engage in sexual relationships outside of marriage face God’s judgment:

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4)

“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Is that to say there’s no forgiveness? Of course there is. We are prone to sin and to failure. If we confess our sins to God and are genuinely repentant, yes, he forgives. If we forsake the thing we are doing, he will restore us. However, we will have to face the hard consequences of our sin. Some of these may include:

• heartbreak from failed relationships

• grief over giving ourselves sexually in ways and to people we were not supposed to
• hurting others around us/destroying friendships, particularly if the relationship is adulterous
• distance between ourselves and God
• loss on the day of judgement

Do we really want to face God’s judgment? Do we really want to grieve him? Do we really want to put distance between ourselves and him? If we’re thinking about it rationally, we would say no. But in the heat of the moment and the attraction you’re feeling to that person, it’s easy to justify what you’re doing and to twist or forget what God says.

This is an area in which the church as a whole is called to live up to God’s standards of purity, but in which I believe it has largely failed. Paul tells us:

“I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

"What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. ‘Expel the wicked man from among you.’" (1 Corinthians 5:9-13)

Does that sound serious? Yes, it is. Does it sound harsh and “contrary to grace”? Only if we have a very warped understanding of grace. The church, and Christians as individuals, can’t expect God’s presence and blessing if we’re tolerating corporately or individually sin that God clearly forbids. We can’t expect Jesus to dwell among us, or with us, if we’re grieving him so radically. We can’t afford to ignore this issue, either in our churches, our own lives, or our friends’ lives, if we’re serious about wanting to follow Jesus. His standards are clear. He demands no compromise. If we really care about others' spiritual well-being, we will be serious about confronting them and helping them out of this kind of sin.

God wants us. He is passionate about us as his Bride and as his holy people. He longs for a close, intimate, and exclusive relationship with us. He longs to be able to shine his glory through us to the world around us. He longs to have a pure nation, representing him on this earth, living in holiness, living in love with one another and with him. That's his desire!

The bottom line is, do we want fellowship with God? Do we want others to have fellowship with God? If we don't, and we want to follow our own desires, we can do whatever we want. Just don't claim to be following Jesus. If we do, then we must be serious about doing whatever it takes.

If you’re in a relationship with a non-Christian, or a “Christian” who isn’t following Jesus 100%, break it off. If you’re sleeping with them, break it off even more quickly. If you’re sexually involved with someone who’s a “Christian”, stop it. Now. Ask God’s forgiveness; humble yourself before him. Seek accountability with someone who will keep you honest. Seek to live a life of purity and contentment in Jesus, and trust him to meet those needs that seem so strong.

Our sexual and romantic needs are not our most important ones: our relationship with God is. Trust him to satisfy the longings of your soul, and to bring you a far deeper joy than the things you're forsaking, which are making you spiritually sick. Seek intimacy with him, and fellowship with others, that will give you a life of purpose and contentment. Remember that he has said:

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:5-6)

I was inspired to write this after thinking a lot about this topic lately. I don't normally post poems to my blog, but I thought I'd put this one up.

I’m in love with you, but I’m cheating with the world
She’s just so fascinating.
I see you once or twice a week, I sing my songs of love
I’ll only live for you.
But when I leave, she’s there again
She’s with me everywhere I go.
She stands on every street corner beckoning
Calling me a thousand ways.
She sings to me, she dances
she pampers me, she gives me gifts;
she wears a hundred dresses, a thousand different faces
She offers something novel every hour I spend with her.
She seems more real than you, and when I’m with her
I’m numb to you, you seem so far away.
Sorry but, it’s too much work to seek you out
She intoxicates me, fascinates me, seduces me again and again.

When will you see the emptiness?
When will you see the lies?
She seduces, captivates you, woos you away from me
Your hours are spent in drunken fascination, whiled away to nothing
And all the time I’m calling you.
She tells you she’ll live forever, but it’s a lie
She’ll be destroyed with all her lovers.
She tells you she’s more real, but it’s a lie
Where I live is reality.

Come find me
Come seek me
Come dwell with me
Come listen to the voice of your true Lover.
What I offer is true life,
What I offer is true love,
What I offer is true reality.
Live for me and live forever,
turn your back on her
don’t be seduced by her lies
don’t be drawn in by her trickery
she’s fake. I’m real. I lived and died for you.

"You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God." James 4:4

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him....The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." 1 John 2:15, 17

...."those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." 1 Corinthians 7:31

"Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great!....Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins,.... She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her." Revelation 18

Yesterday I went to the animal shelter. This is not the kind of place I regularly frequent, simply because it is too sad, but I was in the area and stopped by to clear up a misunderstanding about a non-existent dog they thought we'd failed to license and, well, there were kitties upstairs and I went and saw them.

As soon as you walk into one of the rooms you are greeted by meows from various corners, pleading eyes staring from behind cage bars, questing paws reaching out through the metal to try to touch you. Some of the cats are curled up asleep; some cower shaking as far back as they can and hiss if you look at them. Most are glad for the attention; some beg for it.

I was in one room going from cage to cage when two shelter workers rolled a block of cages in and went to leave. I stopped them and asked if I could open the cage doors; they said yes, but to be careful with some of these cats because they'd all, except three, just been brought in from one house and hadn't become acclimatized to the facility yet. My mouth dropped open. "One house?" I repeated incredulously. The worker nodded. "It's a lot more common than you think."

So that was what the "O/S" checked on all of these cage cards indicated. I went back to the cats with a new respect for what they'd been through.

It couldn't help but make me think of this passage in Romans 8:

The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. (Romans 8:19-22)

Cats weren't meant to live in cages. They weren't meant to have to be removed from homes who hoard them, or people who abuse them, or streets where they face constant threats and hard living. Animal shelters are a sign of the Fall. Even cats have to suffer the frustration that creation has been subjected to as a result of man's sin.

I can't wait for the day when that is no more. I can't wait for the day when animals, and this earth, don't have to suffer. I can't wait for the day when they are liberated, along with us, from the curse. I can't wait for the day when animal shelters, along with other sad but necessarily consequences of sin, are no more. I can't wait for the day when cats and dogs and people live in freedom.

I am naturally a very high-stress person. Life's ups and downs, but mostly its downs, throw me into a centrifuge of gnawing anxiety, insomnia, headaches, and exhausting preoccupation with my current worry.

Recently I quit my job. That's a stress precipitator for almost anyone, particularly in the current state of the economy.

Last night, I felt an urge to pray. I got down on my knees, laid out my situation before God, and asked for his help. I prayed for no more than five minutes. But when I got up, I felt an overwhelming calm. I had peace and total certainty that God had both heard and would answer my prayer.

Then I remembered that verse, and got out my Bible and re-read it:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Paul correctly knew that the antidote to worry is prayer. I don't mean, and he didn't mean, a religious "I've done the right thing and prayed about my situation"; but an outpouring of your heart to a loving Heavenly Father who cares about and will take care of your situation. We have two alternatives: stress, anxiety, and control; or prayer, surrender, trust, and peace.

The peace he's talking about is the peace I felt: a supernatural, inexplicable calm that doesn't come from performing a religious rite, but from knowing you've connected with the God of the universe. It's the peace that Jesus gives (John 14:27). It doesn't make sense from a worldly point of view: I didn't get up from prayer with anything about my situation changed, outwardly speaking. It's a heavenly peace, a divine gift for those who know by his Spirit that they are children of the Father.

I'm thankful for that peace. I'm thankful for his assurance that he is in control of world economies, my life, and my employment. I'm thankful for the fact that he cares about me, and has promised never to leave or forsake me. I'm thankful for the fact that he's promised to provide for me. For me, that's enough.

God is a God of mercy. In fact, mercy is so much a part of his character that he expects his children to reflect him in this.

Just as God shows mercy to those who don't deserve it (us), he commands us to do the same. Jesus tells us to do good to and pray for those who hate and mistreat us. He concludes by saying:

"[L]ove your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:35-36)

What kind of logic is this? This isn't the way the world works. It's divine wisdom, the "logic" of grace that doesn't make sense. As God showed mercy to us, he wants us to do likewise. This way, we'll reflect his character to the world around us and prove that we are his sons, because we'll be showing the family likeness.

This is so impossible and so contrary to human nature, that it can only be done by Jesus living in us. As we know his grace and forgiveness, we are freed to show the same lavish, undeserved kindness to those who hurt us.

What if I don't want to?

Well, there's a sobering and serious incentive to do so.

Jesus tells us how to pray in the so-called Lord's Prayer, which includes the petition: "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Nice sentiment, right? Not quite. Jesus elaborates:

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15)

Elsewhere in Scripture, it's put like this: "[J]udgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" (James 2:13)

God is so serious about mercy, that he won't forgive us our sins if we withhold forgiveness from others.

Why?

Because we don't actually have the right to judge our brother, or to hold a grudge against him for what he has done to us. God is the only one who has the right to judge or to avenge. "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. (Romans 12:19) Evildoers aren't getting away with it. They will face God's judgment—that is, if they don't repent. However, if we truly have God's heart, we would rather they repent than be judged. That's largely the point of showing mercy:

"On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:20-21)

Our kindness serves the purpose of shaming the wrongdoer, softening his or her heart, showing him God's heart for him, and hopefully bringing him to repentance. But even if he never repents, we have still fulfilled our calling, and we know that he faces a far more serious penalty than we could ever deal out.

However, this can't simply be a show of kindness for the purpose of demonstrating what good, obedient Christians we are. God makes it clear our forgiveness must be real.

Jesus told a parable about a servant who was forgiven an unimaginable debt by his kind master. This servant then found a fellow servant who owed him a small amount of money, choked him, demanded he pay him back, and threw him into prison. The furious master then "turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed." (Matthew 18:34) Jesus appended this brief explanation: "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (v.35)

This is hard. This is really, really hard. All we (I) can do, is to pray for God's grace and the ability to see as he sees, love as he loves, and show mercy with his strength. Repent when we are guilty of unloving, unmerciful thoughts or actions, and seek by God's help to be true sons who live out his heart. There's no other way, if we are to be followers of the living God.

My recent job situation has got me thinking a lot about topics like justice, grace, mercy, and law. Don't ask me why, because it would take too long, and I won't go into it here.

But today I was thinking about justice and mercy. Specifically, I was thinking about those things in terms of God.

What I was thinking was this: what if God was the kind of God who kept track of all of your faults? What if he made a record of them, brought them up to your face when you tried to approach him, and refused to forgive you? What if he forced you to live with all the consequences, both in this life and eternally?

I'd be screwed, that's what. In the face of God's perfect justice, we'd all be screwed.

One of the Psalmists knew this fact thousands of years ago:

"If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?" (Psalm 130:3)

The answer is: no one. No one could stand.

Much later, quoting another Psalm, the apostle Paul wrote, "there is no one who does good, not even one." (Romans 3:12)

Not only that, there's no escaping God's justice:

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." (Galatians 6:7)

So what then? I'm really, really glad that the flipside is that God is not only a God of justice, he's a God who delights in mercy. That Psalmist went on to say:

"But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared." (Psalm 130:4)

God has the right to condemn everyone to hell. He'd have the right if he wanted right now to send the whole world up in flames—whoosh—like a sort of cosmic pyrotechnics show. But he doesn't. Why?

Because he'd rather show mercy.

The whole giant, great, grand, good news of the gospel, which I am so grateful for because without it I would be screwed, is that God chooses to show mercy. To people who don't deserve it. To people who scorn, mock, and reject it. To people like us.

Probably the best-known verse in the Bible is this: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." (John 3:16-17)

That's it. Case closed. We can pack up and go home. That's everything, in a nutshell.

Why? Why did God do it?

If you've been a Christian for a long time, and/or grown up in a Christian home, it's really easy to take it for granted. To view it as a sort of divine obligation, a kind of religious of-course. Well yes, we're sinners, and we deserve hell, but God sent his Son and he died on the cross and...

It's mind-bendingly astonishing that the God of the universe chose to send his only Son as a man to live among us, suffer, and finally die bearing the full penalty for the things we'd done wrong against HIM, things we fully deserved to die for. All so we could be reconciled back to God and have relationship with him and live with him eternally.

Another sort of nutshell verse puts it like this:

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:21)

There's nothing more astonishing than that. There's nothing more gratitude-inducing, more praise-inspiring, more worship-worthy, more give-your-life-worthy, than that. We'll spend all of eternity praising and worshiping God for it.

That justice thing? You can still have it. If you want it. All you have to do is to refuse God's mercy. All you have to do is not believe it. All you have to do is walk away from it and refuse to accept it. You'll get his justice.

But he'd rather you had his mercy.

Peter says,

"The Lord....is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9)

In the face of his mercy, all we can do is humbly accept. All we can do is drink it in like rain. All we can do is admit our inability to get it right ourselves, and accept his forgiveness.

This verse hit me really strongly today:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

That's a shining light to walk by.

Anyone who knows me well knows that one of my favourite places in the entire world is the Royal Ontario Museum, aka the ROM. Anyone who knows me well also knows that one of my favourite activities in the world is knitting.

Last Friday, those two things combined in a most excellent way.

I have a new friend who is a PhD student at the ROM, and is able to get a guest in for free. He (yes, he) asked me to teach him how to knit, so we agreed to meet for a knitting lesson at the ROM. After grabbing a quick bite to eat in the cafe, we navigated to a corner of India, where we settled into a pair of comfy armchairs next to Buddha, who was in the process of enlightenment, according to his card. My friend picked up knitting in no time, and we sat and happily knitted away while ROM visitors wandered by no doubt wondering what in heck we were doing there.

We've decided to make knitting at the ROM a regular institution. This time we're heading for the top floor, where I think we might knit in Textiles, which seems appropriate. I would love to knit in Dinosaurs, but dinosaurs apparently don't go in much for armchairs.

Knitting, at the ROM, with a guy, seems like a trifecta of awesomeness which simply cannot be topped. I'm pretty stoked about it.

So, on Friday I quit my job. Handed in my two-weeks' notice, to be more precise. It got to the point where I realized that was my only choice. In most respects the job was ideal, but the one that wasn't was becoming unbearable. So, we'll see what's next. It's an adventure, again. I don't seem to ever be able to get too settled...we'll see what God has next.

The first bleat of my alarm snatched me out of sleep at 6:30 Saturday morning. I hastily switched it off and jumped out of bed. After dithering a bit about what to wear, I dressed, grabbed my bags, ate a quick breakfast, and set out. It was still dark and cold. Walking the block from my house to the subway station, I was glad I'd worn my woolly hat.

The train rushed in just as I entered the platform. There were more people on board than I expected for such an early hour, scattered loosely about the car, many dozing. I thought of that saying, "The city never sleeps."

At my station, I came out into the cold blue city, emerging slowly from the dawn. The grey buildings were almost at one with the grey-blue sky. The hot dog-stand man was asleep, just a slumped-over hood behind the ketchup and mustard pumps. I was in plenty of time to buy my ticket and board the coach. I hesitated about whether to go and buy a coffee or to wait inside, and decided against both.

There was already a longish queue at the boarding platform; more people than I thought take the New York bus in the early hours of the weekend. A Pakistani family collected behind me, jabbering animatedly, I gathered, over whether this was their bus.

As I stood waiting, I decided to knit. I pulled my yarn and needles from the bag and began fruitlessly hunting for the pattern. Drat, I realized, I left it at home. Oh well, I think I remember enough of it to keep me going for a while.

Then, a much more horrifying realization hit. I had forgotten my passport and my permanent resident card. I stood uselessly in line for another moment. There was no way to retrieve them in time; the bus was boarding in fifteen minutes. Conceding defeat, I left the queue and went back inside. Without those documents, I'd simply be turned back at the border. Even if the Americans let me in, the Canadians wouldn't on my return.

A ticket agent informed me that the next bus was leaving at 10 and arriving at 3, too late to make it for my sister's bridal shower/going away party. After a disappointed phone call to my other sister, who'd been scheduled to pick me up, I explained my predicament to another agent. He mumbled something that I gathered meant they couldn't refund my ticket, but could cancel the transaction. Somebody else would have to do it, who was now on break. As I waited for him to return, I weighed my options. Probably the only way I could get there in time was a car rental. If I left at 10, I'd arrive by 2, just in time for the party. In any case, I'd have to go home first to pick up my documents.

As I walked back across the parking lot from the subway station to my house, a feeble but warm light from the east touched the tops of the buildings, promising a golden day. A rich carpet of amber-gold leaves covered my neighbours' path thickly. Back inside, I booted up my computer and searched for car rentals, only to be confronted with the notice, "International car rentals require a 24-hour advance reservation period."

So that was that. I was stuck in Toronto. Maybe I'd go back to sleep.

Just then, a friend struck up an IM conversation. "I'm not working this weekend, so I'll be able to go to church tomorrow."

"So will I :(," I responded.

"Why the frown?"

I explained my situation.

"You can borrow my car," he immediately responded. "Hold on, just let me ask my wife."

A moment later he was back with the news that it was fine with her. Half an hour later he was at my door with the car, and at 10:00 I was on the road. Four hours of a beautiful autumnal drive later, I walked into my parents' house precisely on time to confront some very surprised relatives.

It was a nice weekend with family, and I got to see my brand-new nephew, only 6 days old. But that's a story for another time. In the meantime, I do wonder if I'll ever grow out of being so absentminded...

When I was a fairly young Christian, I had the idea in my mind, however subconsciously, that being a Christian meant that God was obligated to protect me from suffering. If he didn't, either he didn't love me, or I had failed him somehow. When I went through suffering, I quickly and easily questioned my faith and my relationship with God. I withdrew from him and grew angry and bitter. Sometimes I cursed him.

I don't think I'm alone in that. I believe my experience is common to many Christians, as well as unbelievers. The biggest reason many people give for not believing in God is suffering in the world. People are slow to thank God for their blessings, quick to blame him for their agonies. God could have prevented this, they cry. If he is good, why would he allow this to happen?

Those are difficult questions. I know, because I've asked them myself. I don't pretend there's an easy answer. I believe there is an answer, but not the one most people want to hear.

The reality of the Christian life is not triumphalism: protection from all suffering, failure and pain. The reality of the Christian life is grace in the midst of suffering.

God did not spare his own Son from pain. Jesus was called "a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53:3). The man whom many consider the greatest Christian who ever lived, the Apostle Paul, lived closely with suffering throughout his career (2 Corinthians 11:23-29). Jesus and Paul both warned us that suffering would be a normal part of the Christian life.

Paul was tormented by a "thorn in his flesh", from which he cried out that God would deliver him. God's response, however, was: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

A good summary of the Christian life: God's power in human frailty.

A striking apparent contradiction hit me when I was reading Luke recently. Jesus is warning his disciples about coming persecution:

But before all this, they will lay hands on you and persecute you....You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. All men will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. (Luke 21:12, 16-18, emphasis added)

Some of you will be put to death? Not a hair of your head will perish?

The thing is, God's idea of deliverance looks very different to ours.

Our idea of deliverance is cessation of the trial, the temptation, the persecution.

God's idea of deliverance is his strength given to us to enable us to endure and to overcome. God's idea of deliverance is his grace, peace, and comfort in the middle of trial. God's idea of deliverance is standing fast, holding firm, remaining faithful to him despite the temptation to deny or abandon him. God's idea of deliverance is resisting sin and turning to him for the grace to obey instead.

Paul summed up this paradox well:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4:7-10)