So, on Friday I quit my job. Handed in my two-weeks' notice, to be more precise. It got to the point where I realized that was my only choice. In most respects the job was ideal, but the one that wasn't was becoming unbearable. So, we'll see what's next. It's an adventure, again. I don't seem to ever be able to get too settled...we'll see what God has next.

This is going to be one of those silly, inconsequential, "my life" blog posts.

I have my first "real" professional wedding photography gig tomorrow. Actually, I won't be doing much shooting, just helping the photographer with things like transferring photos to her laptop and carrying stuff. I do have to shoot the guys getting ready, but other than that I can just shoot as I want for my own portfolio. The budget doesn't cover a full second shooter, so I'm just there as a gofer and to shoot for fun as I please.

That's a lot less pressure. However, as much as I've done this before, I have to admit there are a few more butterflies than normal at the idea of this being my first "real", paid gig. I tried for a long time to secure assistant wedding photog jobs, with no success. This one came out of the blue, through a friend of mine who is a pro photographer and recommended me to the woman I'll be assisting.

So I'm pretty excited about that. Who knows where it might lead? I'm hoping to be able to get more weekend gigs to boost the income and to get some much-needed professional experience on my photography resume. Plus, it'll just be fun. I love mucking about with photography anytime.

One of the interesting things about commuting daily by subway and bus is other people. And even more specifically, what makes it interesting is the people you see every day.

I've been commuting Monday to Friday by TTC for almost 3 months. And without fail, some of the same people are nearly always on my bus.

Some of them stand out more than others. First, there's Bus Guy. I'm sure Bus Guy has a name, but in my mind, he's Bus Guy.

I first noticed Bus Guy (B.G. for short) on my very first commute. He's skinny, with short-cropped hair and a scruffy beard. His eyes are always hidden behind brown aviator sunglasses, and iPod wires snake from his ears to somewhere in his pocket. He has two Chinese characters tattooed on his neck. He often wears a hat. During the winter, he wore a long brown leather trench coat and ripped jeans; now that it's warmer he favours light-coloured checked button-down shirts and ripped jeans. His shoes are black-and-white Pumas.

Then there's Bubble Girl. It's not a flattering name, it's just how I think of her. The reason I call her that is that she wears huge bubbled-out sunglasses and has a very full lower lip that sort of echoes them. She always wears black leggings, black shoes, and a cropped black jacket. She works somewhere in the same complex I do.

Then there are others. Korean High School Guy. Old Bald Indian Guy with Briefcase. Older Guy with I'm Lovin' It jacket. Some of them are there day in and day out. Others appear, disappear, reappear. Some for whatever reason commute regularly for a time and then are gone.

It makes the bus trip more interesting. Because, you know, when you spend an hour commuting every day, you've got to do something to keep yourself occupied.

One of the side effects (perks? downsides?) of working at a knitting company is constant exposure to yarns, knitting patterns, and knitting techniques. As a consequence, if you are me, your head is constantly filled and brimming over with new and countless ideas for knitting projects.

Normally, I have a "knitting season" which begins in about October and continues until I get sick of winter or run out of ideas, generally in about February. This year, I've begun knitting in May.

The first thing I started making was this scarf, the pattern for which was created by an incredibly talented knitting designer I work with:

Don't judge it. It's not finished.

Then, I found some yarn on sale and quickly whipped up this scarf:

Next, I ripped apart an old hat that didn't quite work and started knitting this hat:

It also isn't finished.

Who knows where this will end? I envision endless knitting projects stretching into my future. If you're my friend, watch out. You just may be stuck with some knitted object my addiction has compelled me to create.

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written. Only some vague sense of obligation to this blog makes me write now, I guess, since I don't feel particularly inspired by anything.

Life is mostly about work right now. I've just completed my fourth week, and it's feeling good. I've settled into the rhythm of getting up early, going to work, coming home, although it still feels strange when I think about it to have a "real" job. Work's boring sometimes, but it's nice to have the settledness of knowing where you're going to be from 9-5 every day, to have a set list of tasks, to know a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, to earn relaxation, to have a predictable paycheque. The benefits of freelancing have faded in my mind to an embrace of the benefits of regular work.

It feels good, it feels responsible, it feels grown-up. I feel settled here in Toronto in a way that I didn't before. I feel more positive about the future. The terrible mountain of debt that was crushing my mind now feels like a path I'm climbing, slowly but steadily.

Sleep continues to be a struggle, but I cope with it as best I can, partly by going to bed at ridiculously early hours every night. If that's what I have to do, it is—there's nothing good about feeling so crushingly tired that you can't function.

Life feels more ordered now; the only deficit in it remains friends that I can hang out with on a regular basis here. My good friends are scattered over the globe and maintained mostly through phone calls, emails, and Facebook. I hope that changes at some point, but for now, that's the way it is.

Today was my first day at my new job. I slept not well. I was extremely stressed. I don't like it about me that I stress so much over stuff like this. I wish I could sail through life smoothly, untroubled by the ups and downs of normal living.

However, the first day went well enough: the usual reading papers, signing things, being given information. The job doesn't appear to be anything I can't handle competently. The people are pleasant and nice.

I realize I am going through a bit of a grieving phase for freelancing. Things I love about freelancing: the ability to stay in my home. To go out when I choose. To stay up till 2am. To control my own schedule. To determine how I dress. When I dress. Large patches of free time to muddle with photos and IM friends. The sweetness of unstructured time.

When you work a job, your time is owned. 9-5 Monday through Friday, plus commuting time, plus when you run your errands and when you go to bed are all owned and controlled by the company you work for. No longer can I travel when I want: I have two weeks' vacation time in a year. And there's a myriad of other things: I have to admit to a bit of a rebellious interior "hmph" when I discovered today that my company blocks Facebook.

But it's a tradeoff: what I don't love about freelancing, or at least the way it's worked for me, is the insufficient paycheque and the uncertainty of when and how much you're paid. It works just fine if it's only my own normal expenses: however, the mountain of debt I've accrued through unpredictable circumstances is enough motivation for me to take on the yoke of full-time employment.

And, I know this is what God wants. For now, for me, that's enough. And discipline imposed from the exterior is not at all a bad thing: after all, Jesus is Lord and Master. Submitting our life to his control doesn't exclude and in fact usually includes doing so to the "master", or employer, he's given us. After all, as the New Testament says somewhere I'm too lazy to look up right now, I'm working for him, not them. I know this job is a gift from God, and I am thankful. I'll adjust, and I know, find joy in it.

A few people pointed out to me that I hadn't actually made clear what my new job is.

It's website content coordinator for a Canadian company's Toronto office. This involves maintaining and updating their websites and managing their email newsletters. It will include HTML, image processing, email list management, and SQL databases. It will be heavy on proofreading, which is one of my strongest skills.

The whole thing has the smell of God about it. Several financial crises lately led me to become seriously desperate. I cried out to God, saying, "You have to do SOMETHING," and started job hunting. Freelancing has been wonderful, and I've done it for over a year, but the bottom line is that it's not meeting my needs.

This job posting immediately stood out when I saw it online. It fits exactly with my interests and experience, and is very similar to a job I held for a year in the States, a job I still consider almost ideal.

The interview went well, and I had a very positive feel about the office and the people. The commute is around 40 minutes by public transit. The salary will allow me to meet my needs and, God willing, pay off my debts within a year. I'm happy and excited and resigned to going back to the 9-5 office world, which has its own advantages. I will probably continue freelancing on the side, though I will have to limit the amount of work I accept.

I know it's God, so for now, I am content.

The job I interviewed for last week called me yesterday to say I got it. Deeply grateful to God. I really was at a point of desperation, and I cried out to him. Just another lesson in trust: he never fails to come through.

The job starts in two weeks' time; that should give me enough space to get some things out of the way before I resume full time employment.

Other things to write about, but they will have to wait.

I don't normally like to use this blog too much for personal updates, but I realize occasionally it's OK. So here goes, in totally random order:

1. God gave me a dresser. This sounds very silly, but it's true. I went out for a run the other night and walked up my street to cool down. Just a few doors up from me, a very large dresser with two missing handles but four working drawers was sitting on the sidewalk. I immediately pounced on it.

When I first moved here, I didn't have a dresser. Some friends from church kindly gave me one, but it was really too small, though it has worked in the meantime. This one is adequately large, if ugly. To boot, my new housemate needed a dresser, so the old one did just perfectly for her!

2. Financial issues have been proving massively stressful lately. It feels like I'm on a downhill slope, sliding further down, and receiving deathblows along the way (mixed metaphors, I know, but there you are).

I've come to the conclusion that freelancing is not working out right now, despite my best efforts, and have been job-hunting. Much as I hate the regimentation of a 9-to-5, sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and even free spirits need discipline.

The good news is that I have an interview with a job that looks really promising, later this week. I'll keep you posted.

3. I have seen God's provision for others; my new housemate, Sara, who just moved from New Brunswick, got a job within one week. So hooray for jobs!

4. Lots of crazy and wonderful things are happening with the group in Montreal. God seems to be moving and working and bringing things and people together in marvelous ways. My pastor, Chris, will be traveling there in a couple of weeks, along with me and a couple of other people from the church. So I'm looking forward to that.

I think in large part the financial situation is forcing me, again, to trust in God and to cry out to him for what I need. It was getting me seriously depressed, until I felt convicted about that: stress and worry aren't glorifying to God or useful to us. I know he'll come through, quite how remains to be seen; but he has always proven faithful in the past and I have his promise for the future.

This is how days go now that Emerald rules the roost:

Me: sitting at desk working, or pretending to

Emerald (realizing she hasn't had human contact in a WHOLE FIVE MINUTES): "Mrrowrr! Meow! Maaah! Mrrrr!" (pacing around chair and looking up with pleading eyes)

Me: "C'mon Emerald! C'mon!" (patting lap)

Emerald: "Mrrarr! Mraah!" (putting up paws, clawing at my leg and back)

Me: "Jump, Emerald!"

Emerald: eventually, jumps onto back of chair. Or continues pacing around begging. Occasionally, she actually jumps into my lap.

Me: Picks her up if she hasn't jumped, settles her down if she has.

Me: petting

Emerald: blissful purring

Eventually, she settles in completely, draping her head over my arm, burying her face in my elbow, or hooking a paw over my wrist. I end up with one arm immobilized, typing with my left hand. Or futilely trying to manipulate the mouse with my right. More purring. Occasional hand-licking.

Eventually, I have to get up. So I disturb Her Royal Emeraldness. This displeases her greatly. Yesterday, we had a mild bite and some hissing. Today, we had some more hissing. I hiss back, gently tap her nose, and dump her on the floor. She stalks off, greatly miffed, into the other room.

Five minutes later, the whole cycle repeats itself.

Thankfully, so far we've had only one "hissy fit" per day. The rest of the day she's fine, apart from some complainy muttering when I get up. I think she's learning. Perhaps?

Whatever, having a lap-kitty to snuggle with makes work an infinite degree of purriness better.