For years now, I've bought only all-natural personal care products. The reason for this is that I believe that natural ingredients are better for your body, and I desire to avoid the unpleasant and possibly harmful chemicals in most commercial products.

Deodorant was my last hold-out, until two years ago when I switched to natural. Gross, yes, and I've probably freaked out all two of you who read this blog. Fortunately many of the people who read it are at a solid geographical distance from me and have nothing to worry about.

However, more recently I've begun to experiment with making my own natural personal care products. There are several reasons for this.

One, natural products can be quite expensive. Specialty creams, lotions, soaps and shampoos often come at a hefty price.

Secondly, making your own products allows you to completely customize what you put into them and to experiment with ingredients and proportions in a way you can't if you buy ready-made stuff.

Thirdly, and perhaps most compellingly for me, is the satisfaction you get from making things yourself. There's a real pride of accomplishment that comes from crafting something from simple ingredients that most people assume you have to buy. I love discovering and formulating new mixtures that mean I don't have to rely on someone else for that item.

At the real risk of freaking out any of my friends and acquaintances who read or happen upon this blog, I'm going to post a series of recipes for the things that I've made and found to work. Hopefully somebody out there may find them useful.

1. I am a real human being

Yes, I know your website is frustrating you. However, it is an actual human being with feelings (me) you are dealing with—please keep that in mind.

2. I am the good guy

Yes, I know your website is not doing what you want it to. But hey, guess what, I'm your friend! I'm on your side. I'm working to make it do what you want it to. If it isn't, I'm not the enemy, and often it's not my fault—just discuss it with me, and we'll find a solution.

3. I don't know everything

I know it's a shock, but I am not some sort of omniscient internet guru with a database for a brain. Often, figuring out your problem is a learning experience for me too.

4. I am fallible

Another shock. I make mistakes. When I do, I'll admit them to you, and I'll work to fix them.

5. I have limitations

I'm not some sort of magical technological genie sitting behind a desk waving a magic wand to—hey presto—make websites appear. I'm limited by many things, not least the technology itself. Please be patient with me.

6. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about.

'Nuff said.

7. I sometimes do know what I'm talking about.

Yesterday, God gave me a bike.

Recently I decided to pray for a bike, because I have been spending a lot of time walking. I have been spending a lot of time walking because I do not have money all the time for the TTC.

Walking is free. However, it is slow. It also can get tiresome, particularly if, like me, you are walking three miles one way to church twice a week, along with various other jaunts.

So I asked God for a bike. It's been a few weeks. I put the word out among a few friends that I was looking, but nothing turned up.

The bike had to be free, or almost so. I expected that any free bike would be a rusty old junker, which was fine. All I needed was the ability to get from Point A to Point B.

Yesterday, our handyman called.

Our handyman is a Czechoslovakian guy called Miro who works on the house sometimes. I'd last seen him a few days ago when he showed up to fix our door latch. I knew he was a Christian, and we'd had brief conversation, but that was about it.

So when Miro called, I thought he probably wanted to fix something. I wasn't prepared for what he said.

"Susanna, I have a bike. It's brand-new, one of those little folding bikes. I have another bike I use, so I don't need this one. I saw someone in Canadian Tire buying one like it, and I was going to offer him this one for free, but for some reason I hesitated and then when I went back he was gone. Could you use it?"

I was astonished. "I've been praying for a bike," I told him. "Yes, I could use it."

"Really!" he said. "I'll be there in 45 minutes."

Miro showed up 45 minutes later with a spiffy, almost brand-new Schwinn bike. He helped me adjust the seat, handed over the manual, and that was that.

I couldn't stop laughing. And I couldn't stop thanking God. How amazing he is, and how generous he is. To hear the prayer of a girl who really could use a bike, and then answer it seemingly out of nowhere in such an unexpected fashion—I'm still flabbergasted. Not to mention, it blessed Miro, who was tickled to the depths of his being at being such an answer to prayer.

And the bike rides very nicely, thanks.

Being without a job and a reliable source of income has forced me to cut back spending and dial down costs to as close as possible to zero. But the whole issue of consumerism and buying is something I’ve had an uneasy relationship with for a long time.

I used to be a compulsive spender. From the time I was a kid, as soon as I had money, I’d look for ways to spend it. Money equaled spending power, and spending power equaled those new things that would make me happy and make my life complete. Until more recently than I care to think about, that’s been my default way of looking at income.

Of course becoming an adult has forced me to take a slightly more responsible attitude toward money. I can’t buy everything I want or splash out on an expensive vacation, because I need to pay the rent and buy food. But over and above necessities, the compulsive pull to buy something, anything, to make myself feel better, even if I don’t need it, is what I’m talking about.

All of us know what that feeling is like. The feeling you get when you see something that you know that you need. It’s new, it’s beautiful, it’s shiny, and you’re convinced that buying it will make you happy, make your life complete. The fact that you already have five similar somethings at home, which at one time were going to make you happy and make your life complete, doesn’t really occur to you. The only thing you can think about right here and now is this one that you don’t have. Surely this will be it.

You convince yourself that you need it, you deserve it, it doesn’t hurt, you have enough money. So you spend the money. You take the new thing home. For a while, it provides the “high” a shiny new object is supposed to. Then it gradually fades into the background. It becomes just another possession, kicking around with all the others you have. Something you use, maybe every day, and which may or may not be useful, but which doesn’t mean as much as when it was new and not yours.

Then you see another something. A beautiful, shiny, brand-new something. And it takes hold of your heart. It pulls at you until you can’t resist. You convince yourself you want it, you need it, it will make your life complete. You forget that the last one was going to do that for you, but it hasn’t. So you buy it. And on and on the cycle goes.

For many of us women, these things are makeup, clothes, or jewelry. For men, it may be video games or gadgets. There’s an endless list of “things” on offer that we can be easily persuaded we need to buy, depending on our particular inclinations.

What’s worse, it’s endemic to our culture. We’re surrounded by messages that tell us we need a constant stream of new things—the latest luxuries, the most fashionable clothes—to keep our lives comfortable and convenient and make us content.

The problem with all of this, for the Christian, is that it’s radically at odds with the kind of life Jesus calls us to live.

2000 years ago, when Jesus walked the earth, covetousness—the desire for more and more “stuff”—was already as old as mankind. It didn’t begin with western culture, cheap manufacturing, and the shopping mall. Jesus analyzed this particular spiritual sickness and warned us against it:

“Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." (Luke 12:15)

The Apostle Paul is even stronger in his letter to the Ephesians:

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints….For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” (Ephesians 5:3-5)

Ouch! Covetousness equated with idolatry? Listed with sexual immorality? Covetous (the NIV translates it “greedy”) people aren’t part of God’s kingdom?

Why?

Well, because what is important to us, what we spend our time pursuing, what we think about and devote our energy to, reveals what really holds our heart.

Worship is devotion or service to a particular entity or end, hoping for it to give us the results we crave. If we spend our time, energy, thought and money acquiring new stuff, hoping that it will fulfill us, make us happy, or take away the empty hole inside, we in effect are worshiping it.

We may not bow down to wooden idols. But we are far more in danger of bowing down to Wal-Mart.

The endless pursuit of things—treasure in this world—dulls us to spiritual realities and keeps us on a treadmill of desire and acquisition that distracts and deters us from God’s calling.

There are obvious realities we can face that can help cut the power of this kind of thinking. For one thing, we actually need far less than we think we do. A trip to Africa convinced me of that. I met people from the bush for whom a discarded tin can was a prize possession because it could be used as a water cup.

Another reality is that things can’t make us happy, or fulfill us. If they could, we wouldn’t endlessly need more.

But to truly cut the power of materialism over us, we need a spiritual perspective. We need power from above, we need heaven’s reality, to break the hold of “stuff” and to fix our eyes on what really matters.

One piece of that reality is that this life is temporary and not worth living for. When we endlessly accumulate things, we are acting as if our life in this world is forever. We forget that not only are we going to die, we are going to spend eternity in a kingdom where our once-treasured earthly belongings turned into ashes long ago. Hoarding “stuff” is acting like our existence on this earth is the ultimate reality.

Jesus exposed the futility of that way of thinking when he told the parable of the rich man who plotted to build new barns. That night, God required his soul of him. His beautiful new barns were of no use to him and he went to face God’s judgment where he had to give an account of the resources that had been entrusted to him.

Jesus explained how to prevent this kind of cosmic “uh-oh” moment when he said: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:18-20)

But even more pertinently, we need to ask ourselves why we’re so driven to possess and consume without end. Why do “things” hold such power over us?

The answer, I believe, is that we are trying to fill the void inside us. It may sound cliché, but we all have an inward emptiness that we seek to numb and eradicate with many things, including stuff. I know that’s the case for me. When I’m depressed, I shop. Or I’m convinced that if I buy that new dress, everyone will think I’m beautiful.

What kind of need are you trying to fill with “things”? This is the heart of why we accumulate. Understanding this will cut its power at the source. External solutions are never the way. Jesus is always after our heart.

When you understand the void inside you, there’s only one way to fill it. There’s only one way to satisfy it from the inside, so that the temptation to throw “stuff” into it doesn’t become overwhelming. That void must be filled with God himself, and he’s the only one who can fill it.

One passage from Hebrews became my weapon against “stuff”:

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’” (Hebrews 13:5-6)

Isn’t that genius?

The answer to the power of stuff is just this: GOD HIMSELF IS OUR POSSESSION. He’s given himself to us, and he will never leave us or forsake us. With him on our side, and within us, we have everything we need. Who wants things when you have the Almighty God?

He is more than enough to fill us with the love we crave, with the comfort we seek, with the reassurance we need. When the void inside us screams for satisfaction with “stuff” (or any other temptation), turn to him instead. Cast yourself on him for the grace you need to make it through, to feel his peace and joy and love and fatherhood, and to resist another day the spiritual poisons and the idols that beckon you. He’ll do it. If you fall, he’ll forgive and comfort you. He’s that kind of God.

Yesterday I had a job interview. It was at the headquarters for a family of luxury hotels, an extremely posh office located in Toronto's downtown financial district. The interview went ok. We'll see where it leads, but I have a feeling that kind of corporate culture and I aren't really a great fit.

On the way back, I decided to stop at a coffee shop. Although normally I don't do this, I felt a strong need for a caffeinated beverage and some time to contemplate. I popped into my favourite downtown yarn store and then the cafe a few doors down. I'd brought my knitting, so I pulled it out and began to work.

Knitting in public provokes a lot of reaction. I've never had so many conversations with strangers as since I took it up more seriously and began knitting on public transit. It seems to fascinate people, and it's rare that I don't get at least one comment.

This was no exception. I looked up at one point to see a woman outside the cafe looking at me intently through the window. She looked away when I spotted her, but a few minutes later the door opened and I looked up to see her approaching me. After introductions she said, "Can I ask you a favour?"

"Sure, I don't know if I can do it, but you can ask."

"Can you help me with my knitting? Someone promised me she would help me, but I've been waiting and she never did."

"No problem, go and get it and I'll help you."

She disappeared out the door with effusive expressions of gratitude, and I carried on knitting. While she was away, a guy walked by the window of the cafe, did a double take, came in, and asked about my knitting. He'd just bought the same needles I was using and wanted tips on how to use them. We chatted for a while, and then my original lady showed up again. While the three of us were talking, the guy let it drop that he'd studied theology. It isn't every day you meet that sort of rare bird, so I quizzed him and it turned out we had several friends in common.

He soon had to leave for a class, but the lady and I carried on. As I helped her cast on and decide how many stitches she wanted for the scarf she was making, she told me about her life. She was staying in the shelter across the street, but hoped to move back to her family home in Markham where she'd raised her children. Her daughter was in university and her son had just passed his entrance exams, so she was very proud. She had MS and had been paralyzed from the waist down for a time. She'd taken up knitting in an effort to keep her hands nimble.

It wasn't long before I had to go, but before I went, I prayed for her, physical, spiritual and mental healing, blessing, and a place to live, and invited her to church. She thanked me over and over and left beaming with joy. I left beaming with joy and thanking God. Honestly, there's no better feeling, no greater natural high, than feeling his love pour out through you to someone else.

As I walked home, I thought back to the interview. One of the interviewers had asked, "As you look back, what would you say is your greatest success? It could be work-related or non-work-related." I'd given some BS answer about delivering a website a client was happy with. Now, I realized that answer was a lie. My greatest success is when I love. My most triumphant moment is when I allow God to pour through me to bring blessing and healing to someone else.

The interviewers also asked that standard question: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What would be your ideal job?" I answered carefully that my ideal job would be exactly what I'm doing: designing websites. Even then, I knew that was only partly the truth.

If I could pick where I'd be in 5 years, it would be bringing God's healing and love to the poor and the broken. It would be pouring my life out to see them live. It would be living fully immersed in the kingdom of God. It wouldn't be stuck in an office pounding out websites.

How can you say that in an interview? You can't, I guess. But it struck me again how opposite the values of the kingdom of God are to the world's values. How upside-down the kingdom Jesus announced is. It's a kingdom where polish, professionalism, class, and appearances mean nothing. It's a kingdom where loving a poor old homeless woman with MS in a cafe is actually most important.

I know which one I'd rather be giving my life to.

This is a topic I’ve thought about for a long time, and was inspired to write about by Adrian Warnock announcing a contest for writing about the church. It's probably too late for that, but I figure it’s a good thing to discuss anyway.

The topic is, how do you find a good church? What are the signs of a healthy church?

These are not hard and fast rules, just thoughts from my own personal experience, and you may think of things I haven’t. If so, please add them in the comments. I present them mostly in the form of questions that you can ask about a church you are considering joining or are part of. Obviously no church will live up to anything 100%, but there are some essentials that should be present.

1. Love

Jesus said that the number-one sign of his disciples would be their love for one another (John 13:35). Genuine love is produced only by the Holy Spirit, and is the top sign of a healthy church! If it isn’t present, get your tail out the door as quickly as possible.

Does the church evidence “cliques”—groups of people who only hang out with and talk to one another? Are those with mental or physical disabilities, social awkwardness, mental illnesses, the poor, the elderly, or the “uncool” welcomed and included, or are they shunned?

Do the members’ relationships go beyond “official” meetings and surface social interaction to a deep involvement in one another’s lives? Do the members help one another out, give to each other’s needs, counsel and pray for one another, and enjoy real fellowship in the Spirit? Are they there for one another in tough times? Do they know what is really going on in each other’s lives, the struggles as well as the joys?

Does the church have a plan in place for helping the financially needy? Do people help practically, e.g. moving, painting and repairs, transportation, babysitting, etc?

Is there real affection in the Spirit even between those who disagree on theological issues or who are vastly different as people?

Do you feel you can be “real” when you go to church and share your discouragements and problems, or do you feel you have to mask your struggles and put on a “happy face”? Do you feel that if you are honest you will receive sympathy and help, or be judged? Is there an atmosphere that encourages confession of weakness and promotes support of strugglers?

Do you feel there is an avenue for getting help if you are struggling with one of the “big” issues, e.g. depression, homosexuality, etc? Or do you feel you’ll be rejected if you unload one of these “biggies” on your church friends?

How does the church deal with people who fall into sin? Are gentleness, humility, and efforts to restore evident, or is there condemnation and rejection?

2. Worship and spiritual gifts

Is there an atmosphere of freedom in worship? Do you feel that if you allow yourself to express your worship as you feel led by the Spirit (e.g. joyful dancing, weeping, raising of hands, bowing down to God, etc), you will be judged or viewed as odd?

Are members actively encouraged to follow the prompting of the Spirit in sharing his gifts, such as prophecy, tongues, songs, revelations, etc, for the building up of the body (1 Corinthians 14)? Is there regular prayer for healing, both physical and emotional, believing God to work in supernatural ways?

Is the Holy Spirit welcomed and his work invited? Or is there an atmosphere of control, religiosity, tradition, and reliance on human ability that stifles and rejects the work of the Spirit?

Is there one person, or a small group of people whose gifts are the only ones expressed in the meetings, while the majority sit as spectators?

Are there rigid “offices” that must be filled, so that people are pressured into taking on certain roles, or are gifts seen as organic, given by the Holy Spirit, and gifted people encouraged and enabled to take responsibility over their area of gifting?

3. Leadership

What are the leaders of the church like? Are they a super-charismatic elite, a one-man show who appears on the stage and dazzles the crowd with his amazing speaking/teaching/healing gift? Is it communicated that the leaders are the only people who can counsel, teach, pray for the sick, etc, or do they make it clear that the entire body has these responsibilities? Do they facilitate and encourage each member finding and using his or her gifting for the good of all?

How do they make decisions? Is the process transparent to the entire church, or is it limited to a few who closet themselves away and determine the church’s direction and then announce it? Is there an atmosphere of secrecy and elitism?

Are the leaders part of the body, or do they set themselves apart from it? Are they remote and inaccessible, difficult to get time with? Do you see them only in a “professional” setting? Are they people you can “hang out with” and socialize with, even be friends with, or do they only spend time with a certain elite circle? Are they accessible and open when you present thoughts, ideas, or even criticisms? Or are they superficially polite and accepting, but practically unresponsive?

Are they personally accountable to other leaders and to the members of their flock? Are they transparent in their lifestyle, or do they carry an aura of mystique?

Do they serve the body, viewing their function as facilitating everyone’s gifts and bringing everyone to maturity, or do they seek power, fame, and control? Do they admit their failures and mistakes, not just to appear humble?

Are they people you can confidently follow? Are they those whose wisdom, judgment, and personal integrity you trust? Are they demonstrating a Christ-like lifestyle? Do you even know what their lifestyle is like, apart from what they say? Would you want to be like them?

4. Discipleship and teaching

Does the church value substance over style, or does it seem geared simply toward attracting large numbers of people? Is it an entertaining “show” that dazzles and pleases, but gives little demand for action? Do the teachers shy away from presenting the hard truths of the gospel and the costs of following Jesus, for fear of alienating unbelievers? Are people, yourself included, growing and maturing from the teaching, or does it stay on a fairly “shallow”, popular level? Is it, on the other hand, highly academic but lacking in spiritual nourishment and practical help? Is the teaching slanted, one-sided, and limited to a few choice topics, or is it broad, deep, and comprehensive? Is it scriptural, sound, and based on good principles of Bible interpretation?

5. Social demographic

What’s the demographic of the church? Is it only, or predominantly, one social/cultural/ethnic/age group (e.g. young, middle-class, white professionals)? Heaven will be composed of people from every tribe, tongue, and language. God loves diversity in his church. There may be situations where because of the church’s circumstances, there is not a lot of diversity in some ways (e.g. perhaps the geographical area is predominantly black); but there should be diversity in other ways (e.g. age or social status), and when “different” people come in, they should feel welcomed, not excluded, conspicuous, or treated differently.

6. Relationships with other churches

How does the church view other churches? Does it have relationships with churches in its area that are faithfully preaching the gospel and serving Jesus? Does it get together with other churches for events and outreaches? Does it give to other churches’ needs? Does it cheer on, pray for, and rejoice with churches that are carrying out Christ’s mission (not simply those who are part of its denomination or group), even if it may not agree with them in every single area?

Or does it view itself as “in competition” with other churches, or as the “only good church”? Does it see itself as the last stand of faithful Christianity?

Is it part of a denomination or group? If so, what is the nature of its relationship with that group?

7. Evangelism

Is the church actively reaching out to unbelievers? Does it give to missions and send people on missions?

Does it go out of its way to find people who do not know the gospel, or does it simply hold gospel services in its building and hope that people will come?

Does it carry out practical outreach/ministry to the unchurched, such as feeding the homeless, single moms’ groups, etc?

Does it see one of its primary callings being to spread the kingdom and the gospel of Jesus Christ, or is it sort of a “holy club” where Christians go to hide from the world?

Is there overt or subtle condemnation of those in sinful lifestyles, or is there active love for them, reaching out to them and welcoming them into the church?

8. Sin issues

This is a tough area, but how does the church deal with members who are in sin? I’m not talking about unbelievers who come in with sin issues, I mean Christians, or professing Christians, who fall into sin. Is there a biblical process for seeking to help and restore them? Is sin taken seriously? Does the church simply ignore the problem and pretend it doesn’t exist, hoping it will resolve itself? Do people even know what is going on in each other’s lives? Is there an atmosphere of openness that encourages confession of sin and receives it with grace?

Is discipline in place for those who violate key Christian behavioural principles? Is it done following biblical guidelines and with mercy? Is discipline conducted in love and integrity with the aim the sinner’s restoration, or is it harsh, condemning and vindictive? Are dealings with a sinning member kept as discreet as possible, or are they broadcast widely? Are unrepentant people in serious sin excluded from the church as a final resort? Do you feel that if another member sins against you and you fail to resolve it by dealing with them one-on-one, that you can count on the help and support of the church?

This is a whole can of worms about which a lot more could be written. Suffice to say it’s not a pleasant topic, but it’s an important one, and I see it as a key indicator of a church’s spiritual health.

These are just some thoughts; as I said, I’m sure you could come up with more. If you do, please share them!

When I was a young teenager, my mother taught me how to sew. She had made almost all of her own clothes as a teenager, and saw this skill as an essential part of womanhood.

I thought otherwise. As a clumsy, impatient 13-year-old who preferred climbing trees and playing football with the boys, I was endlessly frustrated with the fiddly, slow, detail-oriented nature of sewing. Crooked seams, parts of the garment sewn together that weren't supposed to be, and wild thread tangles drove me to the point of tears many times.

To add to the pain, the garments I had to sew were my absolute nemesis: dresses. My qualification for clothes was simple: could you climb a tree in them? Dresses failed this test, therefore to me were completely useless.

The one aspect of sewing that provided some enjoyment was the design. I liked visiting the fabric store to pick out a pattern and pretty cloth to go with it. But the making part involved hours of pain, with my only consolation the compliments I sometimes received on my homemade creations.

My poor mother, after seeing me through to what she considered an adequate level of skill as a seamstress, finally allowed me to give it up. I never returned to making garments, though in the years since I've been thankful for the skills that allow me to sew on buttons, hem trousers, and fix holey seams.

Shortly after I quit sewing, my mother upgraded from her antique Singer machine to a slicker, newer plastic model, and the Singer was relegated to a closet. For years after I left home my mother offered it to me, but I was ambivalent. Finally I decided I would take it, but it was another year or more before, on one trip home, my mother got my father to carry the machine out to my borrowed car and put it in the trunk.

After that, it sat for several months in a corner of the dining room. This past week, the purchase of trousers some 5 inches too long compelled me to drag it out. To tell the truth, the whole process of threading it, filling a bobbin, and setting it up rather frightened me. I contemplated some lazier options, like taking the trousers to a tailor, but lack of funds prevailed.

The case was more battered than I remembered, and the heavy metal machine inside more antique-looking and covered in dust. Two ancient cardboard boxes held a scary-looking buttonholer and an assortment of bobbins and other mysterious metal parts. The instruction booklet, along with the various pages that had separated from it, were also inside, but I was surprised at how naturally the once-automatic process of winding the thread around the various bits of machinery to the needle came back to me. When I inserted the electrical cord and plugged it in, the little light popped on, just like it always had.

I put my prepared trouser legs under the needle, lowered the foot, and gingerly pressed the foot pedal. The familiar clackety-clack ensued, and a neat hem spilled out. A few moments later, I had hemmed trousers, with a surprising minimum of pain and suffering.

I put the machine back in its case with no small sense of satisfaction. Sewing, my once-nemesis, and the machine I'd loathed, were now my servants and my friends. Thanks, Mom. I'm sorry for all the agony I put you through while learning, but I'm grateful you persisted. I may never make a dress again, but at least I can sew a hem.

When I arrive at the subway station, the bus at the platform is the one I don’t want, so I sit down on a bench to knit and wait.

A shuffling of feet approaches me: chk, chk. An old couple, chattering away in precise, guttural Cantonese, their voices cracked yet rich with age like a fine glaze. They’re both dressed to the nines: the gentleman in a long shapeless wool trench coat belted around his expanding girth, over a suit and tie, and a spectacular fur hat that makes him look like a Russian tsar. The lady is wearing a sparkly black cloche hat, a long black fur coat with a tan fur cape over her shoulders, and a zebra print handbag. She sits down next to me while he stands, slightly bent over, hands clasped behind his back, continuing their conversation. Out of the corner of my eye I see her watching my knitting; a drop in the volume of their conversation indicates to me that they may be discussing it.

A little boy and his father walk past to stand at the doors to the bus platform. The little boy dances and repeatedly chants, “And I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down,” apparently inspired by the wind tunnel that this subway station becomes when the trains rush in. After waiting a bit they walk back to stand near us. The little boy cavorts and the attention of the elderly Cantonese gentleman is caught. His glasses-adorned face breaks into the thousand creases of a delighted smile as he watches. He pats the boy on the back and begins an interaction. The boy’s father stands impassively staring out to the bus platform, ignoring his son’s new friend.

The little boy offers the old man a subway transfer, then snatches it away as the gentleman reaches for it. He offers it again; the elderly man holds his hand up, palm out, chuckling, in refusal. The boy offers until the gentleman takes it and then fishes in his pocket for his own transfer and hands them both to the boy. The little boy steps up his performance. He tells the old man to listen, and makes noises with his mouth that might be attempts at whistling. The delighted old man apes the noises. The little boy demands that his new friend repeat some words, including “ticket”, as he holds out his transfer to illustrate. The gentleman cannot speak or understand English, apart from “Good!” “Oh” and “Thank you”, so he just laughs.

The little boy commands “Look!” and jumps and whirls for the man’s attention. The Cantonese gentleman makes a great show of approval, laughing and clapping and crying “Good!” He glances around at the people nearby, wishing to share his happiness in his new friend.

Finally the bus comes and the little boy, his father, and the Cantonese man and his wife all move off toward the platform. The man and boy are faster than the shuffling old couple; but the little boy has a thought. He stops, rushes back full tilt, and throws his arms around the capacious belted waist of the old Chinese gentleman. The old man bends down to put his arms around the boy, and they embrace for a tender moment. Having completed his goodbyes, the little boy follows his father on to board the bus.

This is a blog post that’s been brewing in my head for some time, and a few recent events brought the thoughts to the surface again. It’s not incredibly well-thought out, nor is it based on hours of biblical study, but I’d be interested in your opinions.

As human beings, we have a deep desire, or perhaps even need, for things to make sense. We would like the universe, and our lives, to proceed in a well-ordered, reasonable, sensible fashion. We would like the laws of cause and effect to behave in the way we’d expect them to: i.e., put this amount of effort/good behaviour in, get this favourable result; do this bad thing or fail to put in this effort, get this unpleasant result.

We’d like our relationship with God to proceed in the same way. Do the right things, life will go well. Put in x amount of prayer and Bible study, grow x amount in our intimacy with God and holiness. Live according to the “rules”, and reap prosperity/good relationships/nice jobs/well-behaved children/smooth sailing/immunity from problems.

Most of us would not put these feelings into words, but it’s a deep-seated part of who we are nonetheless. It appeals to our innate sense of justice. It’s why we’re so jarred when things don’t seem to “make sense”: good, righteous people suffer terribly; you hear a calling from God that does not come to pass though years go by; you receive a clear prophecy which comes to pass and then the results of it don’t seem good; evil, unscrupulous people enjoy happy, prosperous, relatively easy and pain-free lives. And on and on.

It’s an ancient conundrum, expressed in book form in Job, as well as in many of the Psalms. It’s a conundrum I’ve puzzled over again and again, as crushing disappointments roll in on a regular basis and the things I’ve thought would come to pass in my life don’t seem to.

The thing is, the Old Covenant seems to have worked that way. God gave Israel the law, and then promised blessings for obedience and curses for disobedience. The blessings included agricultural prosperity, children, defeat of Israel’s enemies, establishment in the land, and physical health and wealth. The curses were the opposite. (See Deuteronomy 28).

When you come to the New Covenant, rather than these promises being amped up, they disappear. Jesus promised trouble and suffering. He said his followers would be hated as he was hated. Greater godliness and calling seems to lead to greater suffering, as exemplified by the apostles. On a smaller scale, godliness and devotion to Jesus in our personal lives doesn’t guarantee exemption from suffering and poverty, or even life making any kind of sense at all. Most of us can testify to that from our own experience.

The longer I live and the more of life’s pain I experience, the more convinced I am that God really isn’t interested in our lives “making sense”, or even in us understanding what is going on. I believe what he’s interested in is the faith that will pursue him and worship him in spite of pain, that faces life’s idiosyncrasies and outright injustices and says, “You are my only hope.” God doesn’t want a fair-weather faith or fair-weather followers who tread on his heels for the material goodies he hands out, like the crowd did to Jesus after he multiplied the bread (John 6). Rather, he wants those who will stick with him when he tells us hard things like “Eat my flesh” and promises us suffering. He wants those who love him, not his ability to make our lives easier.

I don’t think we’re guaranteed, or indeed even likely, to be able to figure out the vagaries of life and our circumstances. Rather, I think we are called to allow them to be goads to drive us to pursue God, a deeper knowledge of him, greater intimacy with him, better understanding of his will for us, and a stronger commitment to follow him, no matter what. After all, it’s his love for us that can and will triumph over even the most horrible of circumstances (Romans 8:28-39), and it’s a reality that we can experience no matter what we are going through.

One of the most common objections I hear when presenting the gospel to people is something like the following:

“But what about hell? I just can’t believe in a God who would send people to hell, especially people in remote parts of the world who have never had the chance to hear about him, or children.”

Basically, the picture presented in this argument is this:

God is a capricious, judgmental character who is remote and unknowable, and requires esoteric knowledge available to only a few for salvation. The unlucky majority that isn’t fortunate enough to have this knowledge will be thrown into hell without a chance. Human beings are basically decent characters trying their best who simply don’t deserve such an extreme punishment.

I wouldn’t believe in a God like this either. In fact, I don’t. Here’s why:

1. Every human being has access to the knowledge of God, because God has given it to them

The apostle Paul responded to just such an argument in a letter he wrote to the early church at Rome. The picture he paints is completely different; in fact, he turns this objection on its head:

“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” (Romans 1:18-20)

Paul is saying that far from being a distant, remote Deity whose existence is impossible to prove and who can’t be known except by an elite few who have access to certain facts, God has made his existence and his character blindingly obvious to everyone. All around us, the heavens and the earth are simply SHOUTING his glory! It’s impossible to miss; there is nobody who has not seen and understood it.

Centuries before Paul, a Hebrew songwriter put it more poetically:

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

(King David, Psalm 19:1-4)

Have you ever looked up at a starry night sky? Watched a sunset? Seen a mountain? A tree? A snowflake? Your own hand? Then you have seen the eternal power, divine nature, and unsurpassable wisdom of God. This includes every human being who has ever been born, whether they had access to a Bible or heard about Jesus. No one can plead ignorance.

2. Everyone has turned away from this knowledge of God

Paul goes on to explain why we are without excuse:

“For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles….They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.” (Romans 1:21-23, 25)

In a mind-bendingly foolish exchange, people choose to ignore the glory of God who has revealed himself through creation, and worship some form of his creation instead. This, of course, is not limited to falling down in front of a carved idol. Anything we live for that is not the Creator, including ourselves, is a form of worship. Anything we depend on for happiness, survival, sustenance, and success except God himself is what we worship. It may be science, our intellect, our looks, our physical fitness, relationships, work, drugs, sex—anything. Every single human being ever born has made this exchange. We’ve denied truth and traded it for a lie that enables us to live independently of God, looking to anything and everything else but him for life.

The results of this foolish tradeoff are chilling. Paul describes them this way:

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another….Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. (Romans 1:42, 26-32)

The sin that makes both ourselves and others miserable, and society a hostile place, is the consequence of our abandonment of the knowledge of God. We tend to treat sinful behaviour as the problem, something that stands on its own. Paul tells us that it actually stems from the root cause of rejecting God and worshiping his creation instead. That is the problem; sin is the result.

As human beings, we tend to focus on behaviour. We like to think that we are relatively good compared to other people. If we don’t do outrageously bad things, and we try to be nice to others, we think we’re probably ok. However, God’s standard is far different. If we have failed to completely love, obey, and worship him as God from the moment we are conscious, we have failed to live up to the purpose for which he created us.

It’s a far darker picture of human beings than we like to paint of ourselves. Instead of God being the problem, suddenly we realize that we are the problem.

Paul goes further in the next chapter to argue that the Gentiles, who did not have God’s law given to the Jews, nonetheless know the righteous requirements of God. These requirements have been written in their conscience, and they understand them innately:

“Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.” (Romans 2:14-15)

Every human being ever born has an inbuilt sense of what is right and what is wrong, which begins operation very early. To be sure, this sense is imperfect, but nonetheless, when we do what is wrong, we know it. Nobody has ever lived up to even the standards of his or her own conscience; we all have the experience of guilt to tell us when we have crossed the line, even if we try to suppress it.

Paul sums up his dark picture of human failing with this conclusion:

We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.”…Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. (Romans 3:9-11, 19)

We start from the assumption that we are the innocent ones and God the guilty party. When we see things from God’s perspective, we realize that we are the guilty ones, and in fact, we’re all in pretty deep trouble. God would be completely just if he were to send us all to hell, no passing go, no collecting $200.

3. God did something about this, even though he didn’t have to

Fortunately, Paul doesn’t end the argument here. He goes on to tell us that although we are all guilty before God, bar none, God himself has provided the solution: the free gift of righteousness through his Son Jesus Christ, who was given as a blood sacrifice for the sins which were committed against him!

This is utterly mind-boggling. God, who is perfect in righteousness and never committed a single sin, created a human race which to a man rebelled against him and rejected him. In a stunning plot twist, instead of wiping us out, God decided to become one of his creation, lived thirty-three poverty-stricken years on earth, knew rejection, deprivation, and shame, and in the end was scourged and put to death at the hands of his own creation by perhaps the cruellest execution method ever devised, crucifixion. In his death, he took all of the guilt of the sins we committed against him and all of the wrath and separation from God that we rightly deserve—so that God could forgive us without violating his perfect justice, restore us to relationship with himself, and give us eternal life!

This is the story of the gospel as presented in the Bible. Anybody who accuses God of injustice has not comprehended the massive humility and injustice God suffered, in order to redeem those who hate him and by themselves would never move a step toward him. Not only that, it is a free gift offered to anyone and everyone who will believe. Debt wiped out; slate clean; gone free.

This is deep mercy. This is incomprehensible love. Anybody who truly understands this will not only accept it in a moment, but will spend eternity worshiping and glorifying God for it.

4. This argument fails to understand the heart of God

God is not an immovable, distant, angry, capricious Deity bent on sweeping all those who fail to escape by a technicality into Hell. Such an idea massively misunderstands the heart of God.

God is pictured in Scripture as a tender Shepherd who leaves ninety-nine sheep to go off into the wilderness and fetch the one lost and throws a party when he finds it; a woman who carefully searches for her one lost coin and throws a party when she finds it; a loving Father who runs to meet the returning son who left him and squandered his inheritance, and throws a party (Luke 15). Jesus summed up his mission this way: “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.” (Luke 19:10)

Listen to God’s heart in sending Jesus:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3:16-17)

Listen to God’s heart for mankind:

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)

“[God] wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” 1 Timothy 2:4

“[J]udgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!” (James 2:13)

God is perfectly just, and to those who persist in rejecting him, he will show his perfect justice. However, he’d far rather show mercy! God is not a sadist who delights in sending people to eternal punishment. God’s desire is that everyone will turn to him. Jesus was a divine mission sent from God in order to bring mankind back to himself. Jesus’ death and resurrection was God’s trump card, overturning sin, death, and hell in one fell swoop to clear the way for us to live forever with our Father.

5. This objection presents God in man’s debt, when the fact is, we are in God’s

Who are you, O man, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” (Romans 9:20)

At the heart of this objection to the gospel is the idea that God “owes” us something. He owes us, at the least, eternal life. If he can’t guarantee this to everyone, it’s better not to believe in his existence.

We’ve already discussed this, so we won’t go into it in detail, but the reality is in fact the opposite. It’s we who owe God thankfulness, love, worship, and obedience, and we have radically failed to discharge this debt.

Picture this: you meet someone with whom you fall deeply in love. In time you marry, and because of your love, you decide to have a child. You are model parents: you provide everything your child needs, from physical care to unconditional love and fair discipline. Yet from the time that child is old enough, he revolts against you. Instead of loving you, he takes every opportunity to demonstrate his hatred. Instead of enjoying his relationship with you, he ignores and rejects you and prefers to spend all his time in the company of others or out by himself. Instead of being grateful for your kindness as a parent, he takes what you give him but does not say thank you. He spurns you when you demonstrate your love for him, disobeys you at every opportunity, curses you, destroys your property, and is physically violent. He does not do anything you ask or help around the house and as soon as he’s old enough, he runs away to live on his own and never speaks to you again, pretending you are not his family.

Any parent would be heartbroken at such a treatment. Yet this is an accurate picture of how we have reacted to God.

We were created to love God. We were created to worship, obey, and live in relationship with him. Yet every one of us, from the time we were conscious, have failed to do so and instead have chosen other gods and other allegiances.

This is deeply humbling. We are used to thinking of ourselves as the centre of the universe, and God in our debt. God is very unapologetically at the centre of the universe, and we are his creation who were made for his glory and his pleasure. We exist for him, not the other way round.

6. This objection can be refined to “Well then, if faith in Jesus is necessary for salvation, what about people who have never heard of Jesus?”

This is a more difficult question. I do not claim to know all of the ins and outs of how God will judge the world; if I did, I would be God and not human. I know some facts that frame my thinking about this issue, and the rest I leave to God.

1) God is perfectly just

God’s character is total justice. God is not going to judge anyone unfairly. At the last day when everyone stands before him, no one is going to be able to charge him with unfairness or imperfect knowledge. No one is going to be able to say that God judged wrongly. No one is going to be able to present facts that he didn’t know in order to overturn his case.

God does not judge based on what people do not know about him. God judges based on what they do know, and what they have done with that knowledge. Jesus said, “To whom much has been given, much will be required.” The greater someone’s knowledge of God, the greater their punishment will be for rejecting it. One who has less knowledge will be judged less severely.

2) God is merciful

As we discussed before, God’s heart is mercy. Although he is just, mercy trumps justice for him. His desire is to show mercy.

3) We don’t deserve eternal life; we deserve God’s judgment

We all deserve banishment from God’s presence. That’s what hell is, and that’s what we’ve chosen on earth. God does not “owe” us anything; if he was to send every single one of us to hell, he would be perfectly righteous in doing so.

4) God is sovereign, and he is perfectly capable of revealing himself to anyone who seeks him

Again, listen to God’s heart:

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 29:12-14)

God reveals himself to those who are not even looking for him:

“I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me;
I was found by those who did not seek me.
To a nation that did not call on my name,
I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.’” (Isaiah 65:1)

God controls the destinies of every man so they will have opportunity to find him:

“From one man he [God] made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.” (Acts 17:26-27)

There are many stories from the Muslim world of Muslims who are turning to Jesus because of dreams and visions they have had of him. In many cases, these people have never talked to a Christian or seen a Bible. I personally have met a Sudanese Arabic man who became a Christian as a result of hearing John 3:16 repeated in an audible voice three nights in a row. God can and will reveal himself to those whom he chooses, in whatever way he chooses. He is God, after all! He is looking for people more than people are looking for him.

7. What about children?

Again, my answer is two-fold: God is perfectly just, and God is merciful. The Bible simply doesn’t talk about what happens to children who may not be old enough to understand. Some theologians talk about an “age of accountability”, before which children are exempt from judgment. I think this may well be true, though I would not be dogmatic about it. In the end, I would say that I trust God’s mercy. It’s not possible for us as humans to be more merciful or more just than he is.

In conclusion, I would ask anyone presenting such an objection to read through the gospels in the Bible about the life of Jesus. God’s heart shines through again and again: the great story of the good news that God loves sinful human beings, desires reconciliation and relationship with them, and has done everything possible to make this happen. The Bible does not focus on hell, or on God’s judgment. It makes it clear that we deserve God’s wrath, but focuses its spotlight instead on the beauty and the glory of God’s plan to save us from it. That’s where the Story begins, but not where it ends. If you choose to step into it, you’ll spend all eternity celebrating it.